Laughter is great medicine…

January 14, 2017UncategorizedMaggie

Jack & Grammy enjoying some laughter a few years ago.

Three months ago or so when the weather in Minnesota was still friendly for walking outside – no ice, warm – I was passing by a house in my neighborhood and heard laughter through the open window. This was adult laughter, not child laughter…though who can resist the giggling of children. It was such a delightful sound of someone enjoying a moment that lovely fall morning that it inspired me to write a blog about laughter. Obviously, I never got around to writing the post at that time, but the inspiration has not left me so I will expound on the subject today.

Current day magazine articles include laughter when listing all things a person can employ to live a healthy life. I’m sure there is some scientific reason for this – release of endorphins or somesuch. I don’t really care about the science of why this is a good thing, I just think it is a nice idea.

Since I am not one that quickly does laugh out loud, I was struck by how wonderful it was to hear the sound of laughter that day on my walk. I decided, I have to find ways to see the humor in life and enjoy a laugh more frequently.

Here are some things that make me laugh; I’m hoping you might add to the list.

telling or hearing a good joke – the cornier, the better
witnessing others laughing out loud – especially babies
watching the crazy home videos aired on America’s Funniest Home Videos or whatever that program is called on TV; true, many show unfortunate happenings that may even have caused injury to someone, but they are funny
recounting stories of embarrassing moments – either my own or someone else’s
sharing the details of a random dream – in my case, they usually are very silly
making a comment or doing something that causes levity in a serious situation

I have a good story about how levity can be a release in stressful or sad situations. My mother passed away many, many years ago (that’s not the funny part). As my family and I sat around the dining room table going through sympathy cards that we had received, I opened an envelope that contained a birthday card. It provided some levity that day – we had a good laugh considering how embarrassed the sender was going to be when she realized she had sent us a birthday card and someone celebrating a birthday, a sympathy card. (For the record, we never divulged the mistake.)

I am generally not a joke teller; my spouse, on the other hand, does like to tell funny stories. One of my very favorites that still makes me laugh out loud follows:

While visiting a friend, Roy politely removes his brand new shoes at the door of his friend’s home. One of the many cats the friend owns finds the shoes and proceeds to chew them up. Roy is very upset. The friend feels very badly, but isn’t sure which of his pets has done the damage. Just then, one of the cats enters the room. Roy’s friend says, “Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”

Now, as RC says, I hate it when I have to explain a joke, but in case you don’t get the joke above, think of the Chattanooga Choo-Choo song from the 1940s. Yes, it precedes most of us, but you may still have heard of it. If not, I have left you clueless, I’m sure. Any of you that have known my husband for many years likely have heard that joke told by him somewhere along the way.

Anyhow, that punch line can still make me laugh out loud just thinking of it – sooooo corny!

I hope you all find cause to laugh out loud every day. In all the seriousness facing us in the world, we do need to lighten up once in awhile. Laughter is great medicine!

Everything’s new again…

January 3, 2017Lifestyle, Mental Health, UncategorizedMaggie

It’s 2017…a new year!

new experiences, new challenges, new opportunities, new methods, new failures, new products, new directions, new events, new sadness, new happiness, new exercise, new sights, new prayers, new realizations, new disappointments, new celebrations, new traditions, new babies, new deaths, new movies, new books, new endings

New Beginnings

That’s a whole lotta new stuff; but, I figure we all will encounter most of it in 2017. As self-help books and articles will tell us, it’s up to us how we deal with all of this. Our attitude is key. We can feel overwhelmed with all that the year brings, or we can feel energized with the possibilities…have a negative attitude or a positive attitude. And, I’m guessing, on any given day we may bounce between the two, so the trick will be to focus on staying positive. I wish there was a set of specific instructions as to how to do that, but there isn’t – each of us will have to find our own ways of dealing with life’s happenings.

I’ve always felt the flip of the calendar into the new year offers me a clean slate – a chance to try new things, improve my behavior and outlook on life, and face each day with a positive attitude. I know I have to work hard to stay focused and make the most of those opportunities. It would be easy to fall off the wagon, so to speak, after just a few weeks. Kind of like the masses of people you see at the gym on January 1 certain that this will be the year they maintain a regular exercise program; then, after a few weeks, you never encounter them again. (Maybe the ease of falling short is why I choose not to make specific resolutions – it’s too difficult to keep them, and I don’t want to feel like a failure.)

Today, I am full of optimism and wishing that each of you reading this, and I, will face 2017 with a positive attitude towards all the new things life will throw at us. I am not able to take credit for the phrase an attitude of gratitude; but, I have found that acknowledging all the good things in my life on a daily basis, helps me to appreciate each day.

And, oh, by the way, I have set a goal for 2017 to attempt to post a blog a couple of times a month. (Notice the word, attempt – gives me an out if I fail.) I realize it has been two months since I last posted so I know I have some work to do here!

Happy New Year!

What the world needs now…

November 7, 2016Lifestyle, Mental Health, UncategorizedMaggie

is love sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of. What the world needs now is love sweet love, no not just for some but for everyone.

Lyrics from a Dionne Warwick song back in the 60s, but how fitting for today’s world, if you ask me. What with all the ugly news relating to politics, racial tension, terrorism, and more, couldn’t we all use just a little more love?

In no particular order, here are some ideas of what love looks and feels like to me:

Maxie painting a ceramic bowl especially for me, Grammy, – a “cookie jar”
a “cookie jar” made for Grammy by Max
Jack & Max (grandsons) playing with Peter (son to me and uncle to them) in the back yard – tossing and catching a football
hugs from Max
rocking a baby to sleep
singing to a baby or toddler
reading a story to a child
having coffee with Amy & Karen (daughter & daughter-in-law)
December shopping day with my girls
bookclub meetings with a special group of friends who have been meeting for over 15 years
having Dairy Queen treats with RC
making love with RC
family gatherings
family gatherings
gardening – making the backyard beautiful to enjoy with loved ones
sharing grandkids’ antics with RC or Amy, Dan, Pete, Karen (those of us who love them)
communicating 1:1 with someone – no distractions
enjoying any activity outdoors
kind words uttered to or from someone
kind deeds done for or from someone
RC taking care of my car – pumping gas, oil changes, tending to repairs
unexpected gifts
no questions asked, no explanations needed for the activities I choose to participate in or spend money on (freedom)
back rubs
phone calls from Jack or Max
attending the grandsons’ school happenings & sports activities
lunch with Pete once a month
getting together with good friends
fun times with friends
watching a movie with RC
a black & white cat curled up in my lap or on the chair behind my head (she’s gone now and I miss her)

I am very blessed to have all this love in my life. I challenge you to make a list of the things that bring you love in your life. If you choose to share by commenting below, I’d love to hear what you cherish.

Perhaps we can inspire one another to realize and recognize the loveliness of the world instead of the ugliness of the world!

Follow-up on being in a slump…

October 4, 2016Mental Health, UncategorizedMaggie

In last week’s post, I whined about being in a slump and struggling to pull out of it. I heard comments on that post from several of you through Facebook, phone calls, personal encounters, and emails. Though I’m pleased to say I am in a much better place this week, your suggestions for overcoming a down period are worth sharing.

In addition to the actions I outlined in my post, I have taken your ideas that follow to heart…

More than one of you said, “don’t be so hard on yourself” – retirement is a time for going more slowly and relinquishing the idea that I must accomplish something every single day (and, besides, I am likely accomplishing something even if I don’t feel my activities are productive);
It was also noted retirement is a significant change in life and perhaps I need to acknowledge there is a grieving process that may happen for a few months …recognizing the impact of the loss of my work identity, the loss of the kudos/recognition I received while working;
A beautiful, sunny autumn day
A couple of people suggested my slump could be related to the cloudy, rainy weather Minnesota was experiencing. I admit, weather does affect me. I’m happy to report the past several days have been spectacular in terms of plenty of sunshine and warm autumn temps – I know this has helped my mood;
To overcome the dreariness of the weather and the waning daylight hours, it was suggested I could begin taking Vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin). I haven’t yet started such a regimen (plenty of time for that in the winter), but I have made it a point to get outside to soak up some rays on these sunny days;
Celosia at the Arb
I was reminded that I should be more deliberate about taking my artist’s dates/creative excursions/playdates (whatever you want to call them) every week…activities for and by myself. Happy to report I have ventured out a couple of times in the past two weeks – to the MN Landscape Arboretum, and to walk the labyrinth at Como Park in St. Paul;
My friend, Cheryl, said when she is down she makes it a point to get out of the house and do errands as they come up, instead of waiting until it is logistically practical to group some of them together…a change of scenery can be a day brightener;
Karen, my daughter-in-law, suggested it isn’t always easy to overcome the blues alone – she suggested taking a class or joining a group to find support. I am back at church on Thursday mornings with a wonderful group of ladies studying and discussing Richard Rohr’s Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life. We have some very stimulating discussions.

I’m grateful for all of the suggestions you gave me, and thank each of you that took the time to comment. It proves the old theory – two heads (or three or four) are better than one. We all have different approaches to doing things; let’s keep sharing and learning from one another – supporting one another.

Let us keep ignoring the wind!

Fall is No Time for Being in a Slump…

September 26, 2016Mental Health, UncategorizedMaggie

Wow, I have just spent about a week and half mostly doing nothing that I would call constructive or worthwhile. This waste of time is alarming to me; but, I am having an awful time trying to pull out of the slump.

(See my last post where I tout relaxing, or a previous post claiming it’s good to be idle sometimes – both contradict what I am whining about in this post. But, I didn’t mean we should relax or be idle ALL OF THE TIME!)

Since I just retired last December so this is my first fall not working, perhaps this slowdown is a normal state of mind, and I just have never noticed because previous years I was too busy. Maybe the change of season does something to our psyche – or at least, to my psyche. Though I don’t much like the season that follows, and I don’t like the fewer hours of daylight, I do enjoy autumn weather and nature’s beautiful colors at this time of year in Minnesota. Why then am I experiencing a decrease in the amount of energy or gumption I have?

One should not be in a slump during such a beautiful season. (MN Landscape Arboretum)

So, though I can’t quite put my finger on the cause, I need to do something about this malady. This morning, I resolved to try the following tactics to hopefully assist me in getting my butt off my chair and becoming productive again –

return to writing down (or at least mentally listing) five things each day for which I am grateful – back to keeping a gratitude journal to remind myself I have a pretty darn good life;
clear my living spaces of any clutter that is weighing me down – e.g., the desk top that has been piled with papers and pamphlets all summer long;
limit (not eliminate) time spent on social media and playing games on my tablet or phone – you would be surprised at how much time I can waste trying to win at Spider Solitaire;
get outside for my walks on a more regular basis – my measly 3 times a week is not conducive for improving my morale…and besides, it will be winter soon and then the weather will force me to move inside to a track for many of my walks;
remind myself that being is just as important as doing – it’s okay that I spent 2 1/2 days last week just reading a novel instead of cleaning my bathrooms;
realize I am responsible for my reactions to circumstances out of my control – e.g., I can’t control the weather or the change of seasons, but I can control how I deal with them…adjust my attitude.

The bottom line here is I need to play an active role in pulling myself out of this slump. I’m wondering if any of you also experience a mild (or major) slowdown at this time of year, and if so, what do you do to overcome it (or not)? I’d love to see your comments below.

Relaxation IS all it’s cracked up to be…

September 6, 2016Lifestyle, UncategorizedMaggie

Labor Day morning finds us both sitting in our easy chairs side by side (well, an end table between) in the living room. He, on the laptop reading the morning news, me sitting on a heating pad to hopefully ease the pain in my back, watching Live with Kelly on TV…both, with a cup of coffee in hand.

How very like old people we seem, comfortably sitting and whiling away time.

(Oh, wait a minute, we are old!)

The easy chairs - RC left, MC right — The easy chairs – RC left, MC right

Magazines I’ve read or TV programs I have watched (think Leave It to Beaver or Father Knows Best – back in the day ) have depicted such scenes showing a couple sitting next to one another, the woman perhaps knitting while the man reads the paper or watches TV. Seems so very nostalgic to me – harkening back to slower-paced days when people took time to sit down and relax. (Did that really happen long ago, by the way, – or is it just a fantasy and really, most people have never relaxed?)

As a younger person, I never imagined myself in this homey type picture…I was always too busy “doing” something. However, I’m happy to report now, RC and I can usually be found in our chairs (always the same one for each of us) at one time or another each day; and, it is one of the many joys I have in my life. I’m grateful we are getting old together and though we are usually engaged in separate activities as we sit, we are together. I guess that is known as companionship.

I am now content and comfortable just sitting and being. Yes, as I sit, I am usually engaged in reading, working on a crossword puzzle, or messing with my tablet. But, in times past, I found it very difficult to sit and do something enjoyable rather than be involved in constantly moving about working at completing some kind of chore…you know, household drudgery type activities like washing dishes, vacuuming, tending to the laundry or the like. (RC, on the other hand, has always known how to relax – many times, much to my annoyance when I wanted his help with one of my chores “right now”.)

I’m guessing that this newfound ability to while away time is a natural happening as one ages. Retirement and having more discretionary time available certainly helps the cause. Anyone reading this that is still raising children and/or holding a full-time job likely will not be able to relate…(let alone, be familiar with the TV programs I mentioned above). I get that – been there, done that. But, I’m here to tell you relaxing now and then is a good thing. It IS all it is cracked up to be! I encourage you to find a comfortable chair in your home and strive to just sit there and do something for fun when you can.

And, if you are lucky enough to share your life with a significant other, I hope you too will enjoy moments of companionship sitting side by side in your easy chairs.

Reconnecting with old friends…

August 15, 2016Friends, UncategorizedMaggie

Out of the blue, as the saying goes, on a Friday night last winter, our phone rings and the caller ID lady announces the caller is Mike, a friend from our high school days – one we haven’t seen for 30+ years. As we often do, and since we were stunned that we would be hearing from Mike, we didn’t answer the phone. Immediately, however, we listened to the voice mail he left; and, once we were convinced it really was the person we knew, we called him back right away.

The upshot is, we had a wonderful 4-way conversation that evening, catching up with Mike and Cindy, his wife. Cindy, by the way, was also a high school friend. As I mentioned above, except for a couple of visits early in our married life, and an occasional Christmas card since, we had not communicated with this couple for a long time. They had relocated out of state many years ago.

During the course of our conversation, we discovered we share a love of gardening…especially, now that we are retired and have the luxury of more time to spend outdoors in summer. As our conversation came to an end, Mike extended an invitation to us to visit Cindy and him in Ohio in the summer to see their garden when it is at its best.

Now, Mike may have extended that invite rather off-handedly, never suspecting we would actually take him up on the offer. But, as we reflected on how we enjoyed the phone conversation we had with them, RC and I decided it would be great fun to spend some time with our friends from long ago; so, we proposed to them, via text, we would combine a driving trip with some work-related travel RC had in Michigan, and travel to Ohio for a long weekend visit. Probably feeling like they had no choice but to let us come, Cindy replied that the 4th of July weekend would work out for our visit.

In the weeks leading up to our trip, I stewed about how things might go spending time with a couple we had not seen for so long. I worried that we didn’t know what they currently liked to do, liked to eat, liked to drink – if they enjoyed a glass (or two or three) of wine as we do. Do they support Donald Trump in the upcoming election – thankfully, no they don’t! I worried that Cindy would be anticipating hosting us with worry about the same things I was pondering. RC kept telling me things would be just fine – all would be well.

RC was right!

(He will love that admission on my part.)

All was well and we enjoyed a fabulous visit with Mike and Cindy. (Hopefully, they felt the same way.) Yes, we had lots to talk about; we enjoyed some fun activities in areas near their home; we shared some wonderful meals; we enjoyed many glasses of some great wine; we argued politics (but in a congenial way); and enjoyed sitting on their terrace in their most lovely gardens and discussing various types of plants. Thinking of our time spent together, as I have several times in the weeks since, always brings a smile to my face.

There is something special about re-connecting with friends from our youth. In our case, it was easy to pick up where we left off and the ensuing years just melted away. Part of that, of course, was re-hashing and remembering events we shared those many years ago. We did spend time with Mike and Cindy reminiscing about our high school days.

My take-away suggestion for you from this post is to not fear contacting and getting together with friends from your past – perhaps ones with which you have lost track in the shuffle somewhere, but who you considered close friends once upon a time. You might find, as we did, that you will still have much in common and can enjoy one another’s company.

What have you got to lose?

Idle time? What’s that…

July 21, 2016Mental Health, Physical Health, UncategorizedMaggie

Do you ever turn off all your electronic devices, the TV, and/or radio and just sit and stare out a window, or close your eyes and just be still? It seems we can benefit from doing that.

The garden seems like a great spot to sit and be idle.

Since we are under an “excessive heat warning” here in Minnesota today, it’s time to find an indoor activity where, thank heavens for air-conditioning, I can keep cool. (I mean that literally, not figuratively; though, it would be fun to be COOL too.) So, it seems like a good time to explore the topic mentioned above, and sit at my laptop and write.

I read an article in the May 2015 Experience Life magazine that has got me thinking about the benefits of sitting idle (and in quiet). In the article, entitled The Upside of Downtime, the author, Heather Rogers, states that neuroscientists say our brain goes into its “default-mode network” when we are idle; and, this is where creativity and problem-solving happens.

Ms. Rogers goes on to write, “Idleness stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system bringing a host of healthful outcomes, including a reduced heart rate, good digestion, and better moods.” Hmmm…

Even in retirement now, I find myself mostly always in the midst of doing something. Rationally, I know that retirement is supposed to be a time when it is okay to just sit and do nothing; but, it seems I always have a little nag coming from inside my head somewhere, telling me I should be active…all the time.

Blogger wannabe that I am, I’m all for finding a way to stimulate my creativity. So, here are some strategies I will try to employ in my quest to find (read that, make) idle time. Just maybe, they will inspire you also. Just think what our brains might come up with if we sit still for a minute – a new way of handling a personal relationship situation; an aha moment as to how to re-decorate a problem room; a new way of cooking salmon; a new landscape design plan; in my case, a new blog topic, etc., etc., etc.

Let’s try –

turning off all electronic devices, ignoring emails, texts, notifications, and sitting in quiet, even for just 10 minutes daily;
shutting off the TV, CD player, or radio so we can sit in silence and stare out the window for a few moments;
allowing ourselves to daydream as we do menial chores like washing dishes or cleaning a bathroom (again, we need to avoid distracting stimuli and be in silence as we do these things);
going for a walk without using ear phones that are plugged into music or a podcast, instead just letting our thoughts go where they will;
letting our minds wander as we wait in line at the post office (something I did just yesterday for half an hour), in traffic, or elsewhere;
taking a few minutes just before bedtime to sit in silence and just relax (might help us sleep better also).

Seems like a plus to me if we also gain some positive physical health outcomes from doing any of the above…lower blood pressure, less stomach distress, and mentally – a brighter outlook on life.

I suggest we counteract society’s dictate that we always be busy, and strive to find some downtime. It seems to me we have nothing to lose. Let me know if you’re with me and how you find (or intend to find) time to be idle. Right now I’m going for a walk and leaving my iPod at home.

Try asking…

June 13, 2016Mental Health, UncategorizedMaggie

“Ask for what I want.” That is my mantra for 2016. Though not an original idea on my part, and sometimes I forget to follow through and actually ask, I think it is a worthy quest.

What will I ask for?

Help. Advice. Wisdom. Guidance. Information.

I shared my resolution with RC (hubby). His look in response led me to believe he is afraid of what I might ask for! In the past, and unfortunately, still sometimes today, I wouldn’t ask for certain things or ask certain people for fear of getting a “no” answer, thinking I wasn’t justified in asking, or feeling embarrassed because I didn’t already have an answer to my question. Then, when my wishful thinking, yet silence, didn’t result in getting what I wanted, I felt deprived or resentful. Not good feelings. Seems like a good plan to find a solution for not getting into those types of situations.

What do I have to lose? Asking comes with no guarantees; but, there are the old adages, “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” and “you’ll never know until you ask.” Hopefully, I will be pleasantly surprised at the results.

If you, like me, don’t always ask for what you want, here are some suggestions for what you might consider asking for:

HELP – this is the most difficult one for me…
- help with household chores
- help with running errands
- help with laundry chores
- help with entertaining
- help with meal preparations or clean-up
TIME
- time to get ready (for anything)
- time for quiet
- time for my choice of activities
- time with family or friends
WISDOM/INFORMATION
- how to fix something or put something together
- how to cook something
- how to grow something
- how to finance something
- what book to read
- what movie to see or TV program to watch
- where to shop or dine
FORGIVENESS – no explanation needed here
ATTENTION
- listen when I speak
- acknowledge my feelings
- recognize my efforts
A RAISE OR PROMOTION - if you’re still in the workforce
A MIRACLE - what have you got to lose?

I think it is important that we ask politely, tactfully, and with an expression of gratitude for whatever answer we receive. It helps to also be mindful of choosing an appropriate situation and time for your ask.

What would you like to ask for? Please leave your ideas/comments below. (There, I asked you for something.)

Proceed courageously and just ask!

Gardening – an always evolving endeavor…

May 31, 2016GardeningMaggie

As I write this, the month of May is almost past. In Minnesota that means we have experienced some of our first warm days of the year; and, for gardeners that means the weeds are growing in full force!

The task of cleaning up flower beds and vegetable gardens in the beginning of the growing season can seem overwhelming. New weeds crop up and seem to become enormous daily. Couple this with the removal of any leaves and dead plants that weren’t tended to in the fall (I am guilty of this), and the work of making things look tidy once again, can be daunting.

For someone like me that uses perfectionism as a shield to acting courageously and putting myself out in the world with all my faults – read Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly for more about that concept – I want to have my yard and gardens looking perfect right now!

Well, let me tell you – it ain’t gonna happen.

I know in reality, gardening is continuously evolving. There will always be tasks to do. Fortunately, I love being outdoors and playing in the dirt (if not weeding); but, I do need to temper my thoughts and remind myself it can’t all be done in a day.

It is the Tuesday after the long Memorial Day weekend. For gardeners in Minnesota this past weekend traditionally represents the kick off for the growing season here in the northern Midwest. Sure, when spring gifts us with nice weather as it has this year, we are tempted to begin putting plants in the ground sometime in early to mid-May. However, one never knows when a stray cold front will descend upon us and create a frost that destroys what has been planted. I know this from experience this year as I foolishly planted some lovely coleus earlier this month only to have it die in the cold snap that ensued soon after. I really should have known better, but my eagerness to get things growing got the best of me. Better to wait until all threats of frost are gone.

Cutting garden – mostly from seeds which are just now emerging.

My gardens consist mainly of flowering plants. I do not have enough sunlight in most parts of my yard to get vegetables to prosper. My cutting garden is the sunniest spot; but, I have just recently learned that my neighbor’s black walnut tree located very near that plot puts out some sort of evil substance that causes tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers to not thrive when planted within several feet of the tree. Those are the very veggies I would like to have. Therefore, this year, I am going to attempt growing the tomatoes and peppers in pots instead of in the ground to see if that strategy might work…time will tell. Squash is apparently not affected by the toxic effects of the walnut tree roots so I have planted those seeds in the ground.

I could spend a fortune each spring on bedding plants in order to achieve instant flowers and herbs; but, this year, since I am now on a fixed income as retirees say, I am planting many of my plants from seed which is less costly. That adds an element of suspense as I wait to see if anything grows. Fortunately, I am already seeing tiny plants appear where the seeds were sown. I must admit, it is a very gratifying feeling as I watch them emerge. I must be patient while waiting for blooms that won’t appear for a few weeks.

I am rambling here (again) so I’ll close. My objective in writing this was to remind myself to take my gardening endeavors one day at a time – enjoy watching the fruits of my labor, and know that there will always be tasks to keep me busy. My work will never be done, and some of it will pay off; some of it won’t. That is the intrigue of gardening.

Current bloomers that are providing enjoyment.

To any fellow gardeners reading this, I wish you an enjoyable summer playing in the dirt.

ignoringthewind

Striving for a healthy life by Maggie C.